On Hold with God

In the church we were part of some time ago, many things happened that were confusing for us. We felt as if we were on a sinking ship, and in our family life we were also going through very difficult situations. After praying about it, we decided to say goodbye to the church. That’s when I really entered a desert period: I no longer had a church, I lost my job, and at home there was much unrest and loss. Everything came to a standstill.

A Season of Silence

By nature, I am very driven and passionate, and in the years that followed I had to learn to be still and come to rest. It truly felt like a period of suffering. I cried out to God, but I had the sense that He was not speaking back. I no longer heard Him in the way I used to.

Looking back now, I see that He was speaking. For example, through a card from someone at just the right moment, a Bible verse that came to my mind, a song that touched my emotions... But at the time I didn’t recognize it, and I mainly felt the deep pain that I brought before Him. What I felt most was the silence. The many impressions and images I had once received from God had disappeared. It seemed as though I had been put on hold.

From Rewind to Forward

At a certain point I attended a church service where Wim Kamphorst prophesied over me. He shared the words “rewind” and “reject” with me. These hit me like a hammer. Through these words, God showed me so much in the weeks that followed. I realized that I kept “rewinding” and “replaying” the problems in our family and in the church, which caused me to fall into a kind of self-pity.

In my prayer room at home, I decided to surrender my past to God and take a step forward. From that moment on, I also began to feel God’s words flowing againat an even deeper level than before. Looking back, I can see that the season of silence was truly necessary to bring me closer to God and to learn to recognize His voice more clearly. I have learned to see through His eyes and to live more from His peace. He is always with us always!